Wearing a Mask

You hear about how people put on a mask so that everyone around them won't see the person they truly are. They are ashamed or embarrassed at who they really are so they give off the impression that they are someone completely different. It's easy for people to wear a mask and not deal with what is truly behind the mask.

I have always tried to be my true self. I believe in being brutally honest. I let people see me for who I really am. Or at least I try. I believe in the "What you see is what you get" mentality. So it is something I have strived to do in my own personal life.

Little did I know, that I have been wearing a mask this entire time. It isn't a mask where I am trying to get people to think I am someone I am not. I just am not showing them all there is to me. It's a mask that is hiding different things about myself. It's a mask that is hiding my weak spots.

I realized it yesterday. I had just heard something that was extremely hard on me. I was trying hard not to cry. I had to get ready for work and didn't want to look like a complete mess. That's when it hit me. I have been putting a mask on everyday since I was about 12.

Everyday I get up, shower, do my hair and make-up. What I didn't realize is that all of that was my way of putting on a mask. I figured I can't cry or show my true emotions because it would mess up my make-up. I know I sound like a complete girl right there, but that is how I think. I can put on a smile and a pretty face and no one will know that I am going through a hard time. Then when I am home with no one else around, I can let it all out. Then I will wake up and start the process all over again.

"Don't let them see you sweat" is another mentality I have. I don't want people to see me having a hard time. I would rather be seen as the strong confident person I really feel like I am. I know everyone has their trials in life but they don't need to know I am struggling. I will eventually let people know, but not until I let those weaknesses become my strengths.

I am a very selective person in who I will talk to about what is going on in my life. You have to be someone that I completely trust. Usually it is only my family I tell. My priesthood leaders are the other people I trust completely. And then there are a few close friends that I feel like I can turn to. But the two people I know I can always turn to no matter what, is my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. I turn to them in prayer. They give me the strength I truly need to make it through the hard times. My Savior gave up his life for me. He knows what pains I am feeling because He too has felt them. I am so grateful for that knowledge. Even if I feel like there is no one here on earth I can turn to, I know I have a Father in Heaven and a Savior that will always be there for me.

I may wear a mask everyday of my life, but I do it so that instead of having people worry about how I am coping with the trials in life, they see that I am not letting it get me down. They see a girl who is genuinely happy with life and makes the best out if everything bad that comes her way. I hope they see a girl that turns to her Heavenly Father and has a strong relationship with Him. I don't wear this mask because I am ashamed or embarrassed of my weaknesses. I wear it because it is the person I know I can be with the strength of my Lord. And that is the person I strive to be everyday.

Conversations with Drake

Some of you may know that I have the cutest little brother ever!! He is six years old and a complete hoot. His name is Drake Burton Smith.

Being 15 years older than him, I just think he says some of the funniest things. So I am going to share a couple with you.

Story One:

***For the other person's privacy, we are going to say Drake was talking to Bob.

Bob had been sick all morning with diarrhea. This is how his conversation with Drake went:

Drake: What's wrong, Bob?
Bob: I am sick. I have diarrhea.
Drake: I have had diarrhea before too. Three times! But I call it Poop Juice.

Story Two:

Drake and Gabrielle had gotten into some sort of tussle and Drake ran upstairs to the parental's room and locked Gabrielle out so she couldn't tell on him. My parents made him open the door, but he did something else to stop her from telling on him. My parents sent him to his room to think of 3 things he could do for Gabrielle that were nice. My dad went in a few minutes later and had this conversation.

Dad: Drake, have you thought of three things you could do for Gabrielle?
Drake: Yes. But none of them are nice.

BAHAHAHAHA!!! What a crack up!! He just says the darnedest things! This kid makes me laugh all the time and I am so thankful he is my little brother. He may be crazy and annoying sometimes. But I still love him and am glad I am his older sister!

Home Alone

First off... I know it has been a while since I have written a post. Life caught up with me. And I may have started using different social media sites more **cough cough TWITTER cough cough** But that's besides the point. I am back and writing again.

We have all seen the movie Home Alone right? I mean anyone that lived through the 90's has seen it. It is a classic. I know as a little kid watching it I was always scared to be at home by myself because I knew I wouldn't be as smart as Kevin McCallister. Little did I know that I would still be scare I be at home all alone at the age of 21.

I am currently the oldest child living at home and this week my two siblings just younger then me were gone on different vacations or camps. My dad has been up in Rock Springs, WY doing some work and my mom and the two youngest joined him last night for the weekend. That meant I had the house to myself. I was pretty excited that it would be nice and quite and I could do whatever I wanted. But as I was thinking all of that I forgot one little fact about myself.

I am scared of the dark.

It is more that I am scared that someone or something is going to just jump out at me. But still I get frightened when I hear little noises. My mind goes into overdrive thinking all the worst possible scenarios making myself even more afraid.

So last night as I was just sitting, watching White Collar (I heart Matt Bomer) I didn't notice how dark it was getting and that I hadn't turned any lights on. So once I was done with an episode, it was almost pitch black in my house. Thankfully I have a handy-dandy iPhone with a flashlight app. Ha ha. So I turned that on and went and turned on all the lights I could. Locked all the doors, made sure the blinds were closed. But still I was just freaked out. Obviously watching Neal Caffrey break into things so easily, I started to spook myself out because someone could easily break in. I went and locked myself in my room and just had to keep telling myself that I live in South Weber, UT. One of the most boring places on earth where nothing exciting happens. No one was going to break in.

I still had to turn some music on so that I wouldn't imagine all of these noises that would just creep me out. Thank heavens I fell asleep just fine and woke up in one piece. But I am really glad that my sister will be home tonight. It always feels better having one more soul in the house.

Valentine's Day

This Valentine's Day has been completely different than my other V-Days. One I woke up and didn't even realize it was the day of love. I got to work and then remembered. Noticed I wasn't wearing any red or pink or purple. Could care less if I was dressed up for this holiday. To me it is just another day in my life. Nothing exciting to look forward to, but unlike some years, it does not bother me one bit. As I was thinking back on previous Valentine's Days, I got caught up in all kinds of memories. So I thought I would share them with you all. (The 2 people that do read this)

2008: I was 16 this year. Junior in high school. I was so frustrated with Valentine's day. I was going to be turning 17 soon, it was almost a year since I was able to start dating. I hadn't had my first kiss yet. The boy I liked had just started dating someone else. I was just mad at love. It wasn't going the way I wanted it to, so what did I decide to do? Protest Valentine's. My friend, Casie, and I wore black that day and told everyone that we were protesting love. Casie didn't last long. She and the boy she had been talking with became official that day. Ha ha. So I was alone in my protest.

2009: Much better Valentine's Day than the previous year. I had met a boy two weeks before and had gone a date with him and talked to him all the time. He lived 2 hours away, but it worked out that I was able to go visit him and he was my Valentine that year. We went to dinner at my favorite restaurant at the time, Olive Garden, then we went to a movie, want to say in was Taken, but can't remember. After the movie, we got back into his car and were about to head back to his house when he leaned across the seat and kissed me. It was my first kiss and was perfect. It was with a boy I cared about dearly, it wasn't to awkward, its was just... Perfect. Michael became my boyfriend after that and we dated for the next 5 months before I left for Utah. It was a great Valentine's Day. I got my first kiss and my first boyfriend all in one night.

2010: Valentine's Day was on a Sunday this year and it happened to be my best guy friend, Ammaron's mission farewell. We had joked when I first met him that I'd come to his farewell and that I'd bring him flowers. Little did I know that he would become my best friend. We would talk all the time and help each other through some difficult things we were going through. I was dating someone else when we first became friends that it never crossed my mind to like Ammaron as anything more than friends. But as the next few months went by and I talked to him everyday, my feelings for him grew. I asked him to go on a big group date with me one week before he left. That's when I realized how much I liked the kid and wished I would have a chance to date him. I went to his farewell on Valentine's Day. I had bought flowers for him and wrote him a note that he wasn't allowed to write until he went into the MTC. I said goodbye to him without letting him know how I truly felt. But we have kept in touch as he's been gone and he gets home soon. I cannot wait to see him again!

2011: Its sad... I honestly don't remember what I did for Valentine's Day last year. And honestly I don't really care. Haha I know there was a boy I liked at the time, but knew that nothing was going to happen anytime soon. I most likely just hung out with some friends and made them all Valentine's Day cards.

2012: This year... My best friend, Elysia, agreed to be my Valentine. Ha ha. It feels like a weird V-Day this year. I thought that I would have a Valentine for the rest of eternity, but my Heavenly Father had a different plan for me. It was hard to accept at first, but I'm learning to be patient and know that He knows what is best for me. I'm not going to let a silly holiday get my feelings down because I don't have a significant other in my life. I'm going to take this holiday as a day to show my love to:

• All those people in my life who have helped me through the hard times; 
• All the new people in my life who accept me for who I amp; 
• All the people I may get annoyed with at times, but still care about;
• All the people that I may not still talk to, but have helped me at some point in time in my life.

Today is about loving everyone I have ever met in my life and show them how they have helped me become who I am today. I love where my life is taking me now. I love all the people who support me in life. I love that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and is always there for me. Today I am just going to love life and everyone it!

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

Super Bowl 2012

You know... I've never been that into watching the Super Bowl.

But this year was a little different. 

I found out my family was going to be out of town and that I couldn't go with them.

Then I realized it was going to be the Super Bowl.

So what did I think to do?

Oh you know... Just make a ton of food for me and my best friend.

I got up at 7:30 this morning to start making all the food.

I think it all turned out fabulous and it was fun making it with Elysia.

So here are photos of all the wonderful food we made.

All the food

Fruit Salsa and Cinnamon Chips

Football Oreo Truffles

Football Chocolate Covered Strawberries

Mini Fruit Pizzas

Football Deviled Eggs

7 Layer Bean Dip

Chicken Empandas

So that was my Super Bowl Sunday.

All my ideas came from Pinterest (obviously).

Sad the Patriots lost. 

But it was still a good game.

I hope you all had a wonderful Super Bowl Sunday as well!

:)

Sarah and Amanda

Last night I got to talk to one of my best friends from high school over Skype!

Sarah Goodman

We met in 9th grade and became instant friends. It was always so much fun being with her and talking with her. There were so many funny stories from our high school experience we shared together. Mostly with our lunch group. Haha!

I wish that I could have talked with my other best friend too!

Amanda Paulette

This girl became one of my best friends my Junior year in high school. We were both on the Junior Powderpuff team and we just clicked right away. Little did I know, she and Sarah were already best friends too. It was so perfect! I always had so much fun with these two! So many times we would just meet up at Panera Bread and eat and talk for hours.

It was so hard saying goodbye to these two beautiful girls when I moved out here to Utah. We were all going to different colleges and mine was just a LITTLE farther away. But we all got Skype and kept in touch. We were all so much alike, that without knowing it, we all ordered the same bedding for our college dorms. Haha. It was so FUNNY when we figured that one out. These two girls have always been there for me!

Life goes on and we have all gotten busy in our own lives, but it is so reassuring that we can pick right back up where we left off. Hearing about different drama that is going on in each others lives (yes Amanda, I heard about your most recent drama) or just making silly faces at each other over Skype. ITS THE GREATEST!!!!

Part of the reason I am writing this blog about these two is that Papa Goodman is one of my regular followers and always reads my blogs. I heard from Sarah that he was sad I hadn't post one for awhile. I'm sorry Papa Goodman that I have been behind in my posts and not doing them as regularly. I figured that this would be a good way to make it up to you. :)

Here are just a few more pictures of Miss Sarah, Miss Amanda, and me. Don't judge how little we look. I know I look ridiculous in most of them, but seeing as I haven't seen these pretty girls for almost 3YEARS I don't have any current pictures. :(

Football games!!

Senior Prom!!

Sarah and me before I left Virginia

Amanda and me at prom

 Sarah and Amanda: I love you girls so much!! I miss you all the time! When I finally do come visit Virginia, be prepared to spend a whole day in Panera Bread catching up on life! I can't wait for this reunion to happen. Pictures will be taken so I can do a Part II of my Sarah and Amanda blog.

I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!

"Are You Alright?"

DUMBEST QUESTION EVER!!!!

I was talking with my younger sister, Madelyn, last night about this. We were discussing a bunch of different drama she is going through and how it has been stressing her out. She told me that she has been crying at school (which she hates) and that people are dumb and ask her if she is alright. Obviously she isn't if she is crying. So here are a few lessons about crying:

1. You should know that crying is a way for girls (and some guys) to let out their frustration and hurt. If you see someone crying it is because they are going through something that is difficult for them and they have reached a breaking point where they can't hold it in any longer.

2. Most people hate crying in front of others. So when it does happen, its a big deal. They don't want people staring at them or talking about them as their eyes are leaking.

3. Obviously people will want to know what is causing this emotion, but be tactful about how you ask. And ONLY ask if you sincerely want to know to help them out and not just because you like to know all the gossip.

4. Girls can tell when a person is being sincere in asking. If you come up and ask "Are you alright?" don't be surprised if the girl responds back in a very sarcastic tone saying "Oh yeah I am AWESOME!"
If this does happen, realize that you were being inconsiderate and learn for the next time.

5. If you are really this person's friend you will go up to them and ask them what's wrong or if there is anything they need. If they want to be left alone, be an awesome friend and keep people from going up and being idiots by asking if they are alright.

So that's all for now. I feel like this might come off as me speaking to the guys out there, but no. Its for all you ladies as well. Its something every single person should know and understand. So if any of you ask me if I'm alright the next time you see me crying, I will be mad.