Wearing a Mask

You hear about how people put on a mask so that everyone around them won't see the person they truly are. They are ashamed or embarrassed at who they really are so they give off the impression that they are someone completely different. It's easy for people to wear a mask and not deal with what is truly behind the mask.

I have always tried to be my true self. I believe in being brutally honest. I let people see me for who I really am. Or at least I try. I believe in the "What you see is what you get" mentality. So it is something I have strived to do in my own personal life.

Little did I know, that I have been wearing a mask this entire time. It isn't a mask where I am trying to get people to think I am someone I am not. I just am not showing them all there is to me. It's a mask that is hiding different things about myself. It's a mask that is hiding my weak spots.

I realized it yesterday. I had just heard something that was extremely hard on me. I was trying hard not to cry. I had to get ready for work and didn't want to look like a complete mess. That's when it hit me. I have been putting a mask on everyday since I was about 12.

Everyday I get up, shower, do my hair and make-up. What I didn't realize is that all of that was my way of putting on a mask. I figured I can't cry or show my true emotions because it would mess up my make-up. I know I sound like a complete girl right there, but that is how I think. I can put on a smile and a pretty face and no one will know that I am going through a hard time. Then when I am home with no one else around, I can let it all out. Then I will wake up and start the process all over again.

"Don't let them see you sweat" is another mentality I have. I don't want people to see me having a hard time. I would rather be seen as the strong confident person I really feel like I am. I know everyone has their trials in life but they don't need to know I am struggling. I will eventually let people know, but not until I let those weaknesses become my strengths.

I am a very selective person in who I will talk to about what is going on in my life. You have to be someone that I completely trust. Usually it is only my family I tell. My priesthood leaders are the other people I trust completely. And then there are a few close friends that I feel like I can turn to. But the two people I know I can always turn to no matter what, is my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. I turn to them in prayer. They give me the strength I truly need to make it through the hard times. My Savior gave up his life for me. He knows what pains I am feeling because He too has felt them. I am so grateful for that knowledge. Even if I feel like there is no one here on earth I can turn to, I know I have a Father in Heaven and a Savior that will always be there for me.

I may wear a mask everyday of my life, but I do it so that instead of having people worry about how I am coping with the trials in life, they see that I am not letting it get me down. They see a girl who is genuinely happy with life and makes the best out if everything bad that comes her way. I hope they see a girl that turns to her Heavenly Father and has a strong relationship with Him. I don't wear this mask because I am ashamed or embarrassed of my weaknesses. I wear it because it is the person I know I can be with the strength of my Lord. And that is the person I strive to be everyday.

Conversations with Drake

Some of you may know that I have the cutest little brother ever!! He is six years old and a complete hoot. His name is Drake Burton Smith.

Being 15 years older than him, I just think he says some of the funniest things. So I am going to share a couple with you.

Story One:

***For the other person's privacy, we are going to say Drake was talking to Bob.

Bob had been sick all morning with diarrhea. This is how his conversation with Drake went:

Drake: What's wrong, Bob?
Bob: I am sick. I have diarrhea.
Drake: I have had diarrhea before too. Three times! But I call it Poop Juice.

Story Two:

Drake and Gabrielle had gotten into some sort of tussle and Drake ran upstairs to the parental's room and locked Gabrielle out so she couldn't tell on him. My parents made him open the door, but he did something else to stop her from telling on him. My parents sent him to his room to think of 3 things he could do for Gabrielle that were nice. My dad went in a few minutes later and had this conversation.

Dad: Drake, have you thought of three things you could do for Gabrielle?
Drake: Yes. But none of them are nice.

BAHAHAHAHA!!! What a crack up!! He just says the darnedest things! This kid makes me laugh all the time and I am so thankful he is my little brother. He may be crazy and annoying sometimes. But I still love him and am glad I am his older sister!

Home Alone

First off... I know it has been a while since I have written a post. Life caught up with me. And I may have started using different social media sites more **cough cough TWITTER cough cough** But that's besides the point. I am back and writing again.

We have all seen the movie Home Alone right? I mean anyone that lived through the 90's has seen it. It is a classic. I know as a little kid watching it I was always scared to be at home by myself because I knew I wouldn't be as smart as Kevin McCallister. Little did I know that I would still be scare I be at home all alone at the age of 21.

I am currently the oldest child living at home and this week my two siblings just younger then me were gone on different vacations or camps. My dad has been up in Rock Springs, WY doing some work and my mom and the two youngest joined him last night for the weekend. That meant I had the house to myself. I was pretty excited that it would be nice and quite and I could do whatever I wanted. But as I was thinking all of that I forgot one little fact about myself.

I am scared of the dark.

It is more that I am scared that someone or something is going to just jump out at me. But still I get frightened when I hear little noises. My mind goes into overdrive thinking all the worst possible scenarios making myself even more afraid.

So last night as I was just sitting, watching White Collar (I heart Matt Bomer) I didn't notice how dark it was getting and that I hadn't turned any lights on. So once I was done with an episode, it was almost pitch black in my house. Thankfully I have a handy-dandy iPhone with a flashlight app. Ha ha. So I turned that on and went and turned on all the lights I could. Locked all the doors, made sure the blinds were closed. But still I was just freaked out. Obviously watching Neal Caffrey break into things so easily, I started to spook myself out because someone could easily break in. I went and locked myself in my room and just had to keep telling myself that I live in South Weber, UT. One of the most boring places on earth where nothing exciting happens. No one was going to break in.

I still had to turn some music on so that I wouldn't imagine all of these noises that would just creep me out. Thank heavens I fell asleep just fine and woke up in one piece. But I am really glad that my sister will be home tonight. It always feels better having one more soul in the house.

Valentine's Day

This Valentine's Day has been completely different than my other V-Days. One I woke up and didn't even realize it was the day of love. I got to work and then remembered. Noticed I wasn't wearing any red or pink or purple. Could care less if I was dressed up for this holiday. To me it is just another day in my life. Nothing exciting to look forward to, but unlike some years, it does not bother me one bit. As I was thinking back on previous Valentine's Days, I got caught up in all kinds of memories. So I thought I would share them with you all. (The 2 people that do read this)

2008: I was 16 this year. Junior in high school. I was so frustrated with Valentine's day. I was going to be turning 17 soon, it was almost a year since I was able to start dating. I hadn't had my first kiss yet. The boy I liked had just started dating someone else. I was just mad at love. It wasn't going the way I wanted it to, so what did I decide to do? Protest Valentine's. My friend, Casie, and I wore black that day and told everyone that we were protesting love. Casie didn't last long. She and the boy she had been talking with became official that day. Ha ha. So I was alone in my protest.

2009: Much better Valentine's Day than the previous year. I had met a boy two weeks before and had gone a date with him and talked to him all the time. He lived 2 hours away, but it worked out that I was able to go visit him and he was my Valentine that year. We went to dinner at my favorite restaurant at the time, Olive Garden, then we went to a movie, want to say in was Taken, but can't remember. After the movie, we got back into his car and were about to head back to his house when he leaned across the seat and kissed me. It was my first kiss and was perfect. It was with a boy I cared about dearly, it wasn't to awkward, its was just... Perfect. Michael became my boyfriend after that and we dated for the next 5 months before I left for Utah. It was a great Valentine's Day. I got my first kiss and my first boyfriend all in one night.

2010: Valentine's Day was on a Sunday this year and it happened to be my best guy friend, Ammaron's mission farewell. We had joked when I first met him that I'd come to his farewell and that I'd bring him flowers. Little did I know that he would become my best friend. We would talk all the time and help each other through some difficult things we were going through. I was dating someone else when we first became friends that it never crossed my mind to like Ammaron as anything more than friends. But as the next few months went by and I talked to him everyday, my feelings for him grew. I asked him to go on a big group date with me one week before he left. That's when I realized how much I liked the kid and wished I would have a chance to date him. I went to his farewell on Valentine's Day. I had bought flowers for him and wrote him a note that he wasn't allowed to write until he went into the MTC. I said goodbye to him without letting him know how I truly felt. But we have kept in touch as he's been gone and he gets home soon. I cannot wait to see him again!

2011: Its sad... I honestly don't remember what I did for Valentine's Day last year. And honestly I don't really care. Haha I know there was a boy I liked at the time, but knew that nothing was going to happen anytime soon. I most likely just hung out with some friends and made them all Valentine's Day cards.

2012: This year... My best friend, Elysia, agreed to be my Valentine. Ha ha. It feels like a weird V-Day this year. I thought that I would have a Valentine for the rest of eternity, but my Heavenly Father had a different plan for me. It was hard to accept at first, but I'm learning to be patient and know that He knows what is best for me. I'm not going to let a silly holiday get my feelings down because I don't have a significant other in my life. I'm going to take this holiday as a day to show my love to:

• All those people in my life who have helped me through the hard times; 
• All the new people in my life who accept me for who I amp; 
• All the people I may get annoyed with at times, but still care about;
• All the people that I may not still talk to, but have helped me at some point in time in my life.

Today is about loving everyone I have ever met in my life and show them how they have helped me become who I am today. I love where my life is taking me now. I love all the people who support me in life. I love that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and is always there for me. Today I am just going to love life and everyone it!

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

Super Bowl 2012

You know... I've never been that into watching the Super Bowl.

But this year was a little different. 

I found out my family was going to be out of town and that I couldn't go with them.

Then I realized it was going to be the Super Bowl.

So what did I think to do?

Oh you know... Just make a ton of food for me and my best friend.

I got up at 7:30 this morning to start making all the food.

I think it all turned out fabulous and it was fun making it with Elysia.

So here are photos of all the wonderful food we made.

All the food

Fruit Salsa and Cinnamon Chips

Football Oreo Truffles

Football Chocolate Covered Strawberries

Mini Fruit Pizzas

Football Deviled Eggs

7 Layer Bean Dip

Chicken Empandas

So that was my Super Bowl Sunday.

All my ideas came from Pinterest (obviously).

Sad the Patriots lost. 

But it was still a good game.

I hope you all had a wonderful Super Bowl Sunday as well!

:)

Sarah and Amanda

Last night I got to talk to one of my best friends from high school over Skype!

Sarah Goodman

We met in 9th grade and became instant friends. It was always so much fun being with her and talking with her. There were so many funny stories from our high school experience we shared together. Mostly with our lunch group. Haha!

I wish that I could have talked with my other best friend too!

Amanda Paulette

This girl became one of my best friends my Junior year in high school. We were both on the Junior Powderpuff team and we just clicked right away. Little did I know, she and Sarah were already best friends too. It was so perfect! I always had so much fun with these two! So many times we would just meet up at Panera Bread and eat and talk for hours.

It was so hard saying goodbye to these two beautiful girls when I moved out here to Utah. We were all going to different colleges and mine was just a LITTLE farther away. But we all got Skype and kept in touch. We were all so much alike, that without knowing it, we all ordered the same bedding for our college dorms. Haha. It was so FUNNY when we figured that one out. These two girls have always been there for me!

Life goes on and we have all gotten busy in our own lives, but it is so reassuring that we can pick right back up where we left off. Hearing about different drama that is going on in each others lives (yes Amanda, I heard about your most recent drama) or just making silly faces at each other over Skype. ITS THE GREATEST!!!!

Part of the reason I am writing this blog about these two is that Papa Goodman is one of my regular followers and always reads my blogs. I heard from Sarah that he was sad I hadn't post one for awhile. I'm sorry Papa Goodman that I have been behind in my posts and not doing them as regularly. I figured that this would be a good way to make it up to you. :)

Here are just a few more pictures of Miss Sarah, Miss Amanda, and me. Don't judge how little we look. I know I look ridiculous in most of them, but seeing as I haven't seen these pretty girls for almost 3YEARS I don't have any current pictures. :(

Football games!!

Senior Prom!!

Sarah and me before I left Virginia

Amanda and me at prom

 Sarah and Amanda: I love you girls so much!! I miss you all the time! When I finally do come visit Virginia, be prepared to spend a whole day in Panera Bread catching up on life! I can't wait for this reunion to happen. Pictures will be taken so I can do a Part II of my Sarah and Amanda blog.

I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!

"Are You Alright?"

DUMBEST QUESTION EVER!!!!

I was talking with my younger sister, Madelyn, last night about this. We were discussing a bunch of different drama she is going through and how it has been stressing her out. She told me that she has been crying at school (which she hates) and that people are dumb and ask her if she is alright. Obviously she isn't if she is crying. So here are a few lessons about crying:

1. You should know that crying is a way for girls (and some guys) to let out their frustration and hurt. If you see someone crying it is because they are going through something that is difficult for them and they have reached a breaking point where they can't hold it in any longer.

2. Most people hate crying in front of others. So when it does happen, its a big deal. They don't want people staring at them or talking about them as their eyes are leaking.

3. Obviously people will want to know what is causing this emotion, but be tactful about how you ask. And ONLY ask if you sincerely want to know to help them out and not just because you like to know all the gossip.

4. Girls can tell when a person is being sincere in asking. If you come up and ask "Are you alright?" don't be surprised if the girl responds back in a very sarcastic tone saying "Oh yeah I am AWESOME!"
If this does happen, realize that you were being inconsiderate and learn for the next time.

5. If you are really this person's friend you will go up to them and ask them what's wrong or if there is anything they need. If they want to be left alone, be an awesome friend and keep people from going up and being idiots by asking if they are alright.

So that's all for now. I feel like this might come off as me speaking to the guys out there, but no. Its for all you ladies as well. Its something every single person should know and understand. So if any of you ask me if I'm alright the next time you see me crying, I will be mad.

She's the Only Ten I See

Yesterday was a big day for my twin sister, Courtney JoAnn. After pacing around her apartment all day, she finally checked the mail and saw that she had received her mission call! But she had to wait a few hours before opening it. I was so surprised when I got down to Provo that she was actually pretty calm. I was freaking out more than she was and I wasn't the one with the call. Her nerves picked up throughout dinner at the Sizzler so much that she was making crazy faces at all of us.

We finally got back to Glenwood and then we had to wait some more. People started showing up making the suspense build even more. Finally, everyone was there, whether in person or over the phone or Skype. She opened her call and read:

"Sister Smith you are hereby called to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Tennessee Nashville Mission."

This is when we all screamed our heads off in excitement! She continued to read the call stating that she will also be a Spanish speaking missionary and that she leaves April 25.

I am so excited for her!! She will be such a fabulous missionary. Tennessee doesn't know what's coming there way. I won't lie though... It was hard for me to actually see her call. Its weird to think that my twin sister will be leaving for 18 months and that the only times I'll get to talk with her is on Mother's Day and Christmas. She was so busy talking with people and I was feeling emotional that I couldn't go up to her to give her a hug until a lot of people left.

Tender, I know. She is such a great example to me. I don't know if I will personally go on a mission, but if I do decide to go, I hope that I will be as prepared and willing to serve as Courtney. Regardless, I hope to become more like her. I look up to her so much (and not just physically speaking). It will be hard to have her gone and I know there will be times that I will just want to go visit Virginia and "accidentally" get lost and end up in Tennessee just so I can see her.

Court, I love you and am so excited for you! You will be an excellent missionary. I know Tennessee isn't where you were expecting to go, but I know that its where the Lord needs you. It will be nice for you to be back in the south, in a more colorful part of the world. We will start your training for listening to country music A.S.A.P. The country accent is something that Jacob will have to help you with, but I'm sure you'll master it. Then you will just have to incorporate that accent in with your Spanish. BAHAHA!! I can't wait to hear how different yours and Kaitlyn's accents are. I love you twinner! You are and always will be my best friend!

Inspiration's Power

I had one of the most incredible experiences at church on Sunday. I had started the day off thinking about what I wanted to fast about, since it was Fast Sunday. As I was reflecting on my life as of late, I realized what I needed the most was comfort to know that things would work out the way God intended them too. I decided to fast for comfort while I was feeling lost and confused.

I got to church, not thinking anything special would happen, and I was just focusing on my worship. One of the stake presidency members, President Chang, was visiting my ward that day. He was there to obviously see how the ward was, but also because an old student of his just got back from his mission and he wanted to come see him.

President Chang is one of my favorite leaders. He is so in tune with the Spirit and has a way of relating things to the YSA wards in a way that we understand them. After the meeting, I went up to him to shake his hand and say hello. As I was doing so, he asked me if I had a second to talk with him. I told him that I would love to. I had to wait just a little bit as he was saying hello to some other people in the ward. Finally, after he talked with the newly returned missionary he came to visit, we went into a classroom to have a chat.

I have gotten to know President Chang fairly well since he was called into the stake presidency. He knows what trials I have been going through lately and always asks how I am doing. So we started out our conversation with some pleasantries and I explained to him that I was feeling lost and confused again. I told him how I could not figure out what was right and how everything I thought about seemed like it would be good, but nothing felt right. President Chang explained to me at that point in time why he had asked me to talk with him. While up on the stand during sacrament meeting, he felt that he needed to talk with Alexa Smith. He did not know why, he had planned on talking with the young man he came to see, but knew that he needed to talk with me for whatever reason.

As we talked, I realized that it was an answer to my prayers. He was able to help me realize so many things that I hadn't figured out on my own. He gave me such great counsel and gave me hope that something great was coming my way and that I just needed to be patient and have faith in my Heavenly Father's plan for me.

We never know when inspiration will come to us, but when it does, we all need to act upon it. You have no idea what it will mean to someone else. I would still be feeling lost and confused with life, ready to give up all hope, if President Chang had not pulled me aside and gave me the guidance I needed. I'm sorry that I pulled President Chang away from seeing the young man he had intended on visiting with. I hope he will forgive me, but at that moment in time, Heavenly Father saw that I needed this guidance. Heavenly Father knows each of us individually and knows exactly when to send help our way. I am so grateful for this experience. It is one I will never forget.

Here's My Christmas Post

So I realize this is quite a few days past due... But I am just now finding the time and motivation to write this post. It may be because I'm sitting at work with nothing to do. I find that is the best time to write my blogs. :)

The Christmas season is one of the greatest times of the year! Everyone's attitude changes and you can tell people are just genuinely happier even if they get stressed out and can be rude to other people in stores. There is something about listening to Christmas music that just brightens your day. For me, Christmas is all about the traditions. And in my family there are tons of them that I just love!!

Christmas Eve:
~Around noon o'clock we head to Cracker Barrel for an early dinner. I am not sure how that one started but it just wouldn't be Christmas without going there. Without fail, three of the siblings get basically the exact same meal: Chicken Fried Chicken with mashed potatoes, side salad, corn, carrots, apples, or country potatoes. Mom always makes fun of us for getting the same thing each time, but heck... ITS TRADITION!
~Then afterwards we come home and open our "Siblings Presents" where we each give the sibling we picked the present we bought for them. This year I got two books from my great brother, Bryson. Everyone should read Matched by Ally Condie and Legend by Marie Lu. Both are excellent Dystopian novels.
~Out in Virginia we would go on the Tacky Light Tour looking at all the pretty Christmas lights. This year we didn't do that because we were busy trying to help get Christmas together for a friend who had been kicked out of her home.
~We always end the night with reading the Polar Express. This is probably my most favorite part about Christmas Eve. I love that story so much! It holds a special place in my heart and is something I intend to read to my children each year on December 24th.

Christmas Day:
~We all wake up at 7:00 am. No matter what. When we were young this would kill me because I would be up at 5:00 that morning and have to wait for the parentals to come and get us. We then go into the front room where we have a Christmas devotional. I won't lie... I hated this when I was little. I just wanted to go open all my presents. But we do this devotional where we sing Christmas hymns and read the story of the First Christmas. It is now my favorite thing on Christmas day. I love starting the day off remembering what we truly are celebrating this day.
~Present time. Obviously I love opening presents too. Even if I already know what I'm getting. Its still great. We take turns opening them so that we can see what everyone got. This year I got a nice new camera, some sweaters, a gift card, and my favorite by far was my new HelloGoodbye gear. A nice new t-shirt with Forrest Kline's face on it and a sweatshirt just with HelloGoodbye on it. They are fabulous! Along with those two clothing items, I got a signed Christmas card from Forrest, a copy of their CD, and a bumper sticker that says "This car stops for puppies, kittens, and HELLOGOODBYE SHOWS!" Which is very true for my car.
~After we are done opening presents, we all go upstairs and help get breakfast ready, which usually consists of cinnamon and orange rolls, bacon, sausage, and eggs. Delicious in one word.
~This Christmas was a special one where we got to Skype with my dear sister, Kaitlyn Marie, who is serving her mission in Argentina. I loved talking with her and seeing her face. You can just tell how happy she is and how much she has changed while being out.
~Seeing as Christmas fell on Sunday this year, I had the opportunity to skip out on my YSA ward and go to church with my family. It was so great! I loved the talks and music that was shared. So beautiful.
~Christmas nap. 'Nuff said.
~Christmas dinner. Always delicious. We usually have a Surf an' Turf theme. There is grilled steak and shrimp. Twice baked potatoes. Salad. Rolls. And everything that makes the meal one of the best!

I love Christmas time! It is so great! I realize that I need to be better about keeping the Christmas spirit with me all year long and finding ways to be kind and serve those around me. It is my goal this year to try and remember the true meaning of Christmas and how Jesus Christ came to this earth and made it possible for me to one day return to my Heavenly Father.

Why Men and Women CAN be Friends

There has been a video circulating the Facebook world about if guys and girls can be friends. 

If you have not seen it (or just think its hilarious and want to watch again), take a minute to watch it.

I won't lie... Its hilarious. The sandwich guy is by far my favorite!

But... I have to disagree. 

This kid is saying its impossible because there is that underlying attraction,

But that does not mean the guy and girl can't still be FRIENDS.

I have many a guy friends who I think are very attractive, but I know they are just FRIENDS

Example:
When I was with my ex I got to know his roommates and some of his friends pretty well. There were a few that I thought were so cute, but we were just friends because I was obviously with someone else. They still were my friends and we would talk about things that any friend would talk about. Even after I broke up with the ex, I have still remained friends with one in particular and he's helped me with things and I've helped him. But we still are just FRIENDS.

Another example:
Last year around this time a lot of the guys in my ward just got home from their missions. There was one in particular I thought was so cute and at first I was definitely interested in him. Then I found out that he was dating someone and now they are happily married. But I didn't know him at all before his mission and I feel I got to know him after even though he was dating/engaged/married. He is someone that I love to see and spend time with whenever I can. His wife knows that I'll talk to him. He is probably one of my most favorite people and he is just a FRIEND.

Last Example:
I have had a great guy friend here in So. Weber for the past year and half. He has been a constant friend. I'm pretty sure he has been interested in me from time to time. But in my mind he is just a FRIEND. Once he figured that out, our relationship completely changed. You might think that our friendship ended, when in fact it became so much better. There is just so much more we can talk about and joke around about now. I mean the other night we went to a friend's birthday party together and on our way home he was asking me if I was interested in a guy. My dear friend then went on to give me advice on how to show interest and make sure the guy knew that. It was so great! And you know what he is just a FRIEND. In fact he's one of my BEST FRIENDS. (I even have a friendship bracelet to prove it)

So I disagree with the video. 

There may be an attraction to your friend, but you can still be FRIENDS. 

Just because there is that instinctive attraction to each other doesn't mean that you can't be FRIENDS. 

I personally hope that I will marry my BEST FRIEND. 

I may not know him at this time, but I hope we take times to become FRIENDS first.

So its ok to be FRIENDS with people you are attracted to.

New Hair

It is definitely time for a new hairstyle. 

I am sick of my hair! 

Its driving me up the wall! 

But... 

I don't know how to get it styled. 

That's where you come in...

Here are the four styles I like

You tell me which one you like.

Emma Watson:

Mandy Moore:

Jessica Alba:

Kelly Clarkson:

So let me know which one you like. 

Just comment the actress' name 

I'll take a poll of which one gets the most votes. 

:)

Two Months Gone By...

It is weird to think that it was two months ago that I made one of the hardest decisions of my life. It is one that I have struggled with for a good portion of these last couple of months. In the beginning, I had lost all hope that I would ever be able to figure out what the Lord wants for me. I had just hurt someone that I loved (and still love, just not in the same way). I didn't feel like I was good enough for anyone or deserved anything. There were so many times I just wanted to run away.

If it were not for the help of some amazing friends and my family, I would have given up hope. They helped me realize that all I needed was to turn to the Lord. It has been a struggle to strengthen my faith and turn to my Savior in order to become happy once again. Through much prayer and reading and listening to the council of prophets and apostles and other motivational speakers, I was able to change my way of thinking. I am thankful now for this trial I had to go through. I've learned so much from it already. I have made changes in my life in order to be happy.

Sure I have my days when I just wanted to cry all day long, but I think that the Lord has something else in mind for my life and my ultimate goal in life is to serve Him and do what it is He would have me do. I know there is something better out there for me (not to say what I had wasn't good). I know the Lord has a plan for me. I should not try to make things work the way I want them and in the time I want them to. I need to trust in the Lord and give my will over to Him.

"Faith in God includes faith in His timing"-Neal A. Maxwell.

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, in a town called South Weber, there lived a girl named Alexa Rochelle. Alexa always dreamed of being a princess and living in a princess castle. She was searching for her Prince Charming but it was to no avail. She loved reading stories and watching movies about princesses. Alexa was determined to one day be a princess. Then one day, she heard about a wonderful television show that she began to watch immediately.



As soon as Alexa began to watch it, she was obsessed. It was a dream come true! It was a great story that incorporated all the different fairytale stories into one central story. It showed how a girl that grew up living a hard life was starting to do something great with her life, trying to help all the people from Storybrooke remember who they truly are. Sure, Alexa knew that it was just a story, but she couldn't help but fall in love with the story.

If you have not already started to watch this wonderful show, you most definitely need to! It is excellent!

2011 Thanksgiving Weekend

I meant to get this post done sooner, but alas the only time I really sit down at a computer is when I am at work on Tuesdays and Thursday bored outta my mind. So here I am, at 7:30 in the a.m., trying to stay awake, writing a blog all about my wonderful weekend.

Thanksgiving Day: It was the first day I got to sleep in until about 10:30 for a LONG time. Was it wonderful? Heck freaking ya! I wish it would be a more common thing in my life. I got up. Helped with some cooking. Got ready. Cleaned a little. By 1:00 p.m., I was out the door with my family on our way to Sandy. We got down there and I played with my cute little cousins (and some of the big ones). Ate so much delicious food. Gouchi Gouch. Explored my Aunt Sue's house. Watched some football. Took a nap. Watched the last play of the Cowboy's game. Pie. Left to go to Michael's with my mom, the twin, and the Mad to start some Black Friday shopping. Got home. Went to bed.

Black Friday: Probably what makes Thanksgiving my favorite holiday. I didn't go to Wally World with my mom the night before because I wanted to wake up early the next morning. But they did get some good buys there in all that craziness. Woke up and was out the door by 6:00 a.m. We started out in Khols. Got some good things there. Saved $650 (well my mom did). Then to breakfast at I.H.O.P. The Elle's were being silly. They helped me shop quite a bit. Mad and I found some super cute things for her. My favorite buys were my new coat (that I hate taking off) and boots from Wet Seal. Got home. Slept like there was no tomorrow. Woke up. Showered. Put on some new clothes. Went to Carli's birthday party at the Pizza Factory and Boondocks. Loved the go-carts, even if we were all freezing. Got home. Straight to bed.

Saturday: Slept in again. Got some homework done. Got caught up on Modern Family. Practiced the piano. Did nothing. Went to Erin and Cade's wedding reception. Planned on staying for just a minute. Ended up being there until the very end helping out. I just have to say that I absolutely adore those two together and think they are the cutest couple. So happy for both of them. :) Got home. Went to bed.

Sunday: Got up. Got all ready. Was at church by 9:45 a.m. for ward council. Choir practice. It was our ward conference. I love my Stake Presidency. 3 amazing men called of God. There were just so many great things said in all of my meetings. Those men truly were inspired with what they had to share. I can't think of any other Sunday where I felt the Spirit so much. I am so thankful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Then there was Linger Longer. Tithing settlement. Nap. Games at the Harris residence. Got home. Went to bed.

That was my weekend in a nutshell. It was an excellent one. For those of you who don't know, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love the food, being with family and friends, and shopping all day Friday. But most of all, I love the meaning behind this holiday. I know we should be thankful everyday, but I love having a specific day that we set aside as a nation to really give thanks for all of our blessings.

My Thankful List:
*My family. I don't know where I would be without them. They are absolutely amazing.
*The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. What a wonderful privilege it is to be a member of the true gospel of Christ.
*My friends. Courtney, Kendra, Elysia, and Liz have all been a great help as of late. But the rest of you reading this have all helped me so much and I am thankful for your friendship.
*My job. Wasatch Peak Physical Therapy has been the greatest.
*My trials. They have been hard and a lot has happened within the past two months, but I know they have been given to me for a reason and I know I have learned a lot from them.
*Utah. I was not really excited when I first moved away from Virginia, but I have grown to love it here. It is so beautiful and I love living here now.
*My car. Marvin has his issues, but he gets me from one point to the next.
*School. I love learning and love being able to meet new people up on campus and form new friendships there.

There is so much I am thankful for that I could make this blog so incredibly long (not that it isn't already super long). I am thankful for Thanksgiving for giving me the opportunity to really look at every aspect of my life and see how thankful I am for all of it. Its nice to see what makes me me and see what ways I can continue and grow so I can be  more like my Savior, Jesus Christ. I love you all!! Thank you for reading this. :)

Time Out for Women

This weekend was an absolutely amazing one! It was filled with best friends, wonderful music, and awesome speakers. Time Out for Women is such an inspired program. It was exactly what I needed this weekend. Thanks to my dear friend, Kendra, who told me about it back in October when I was having a hard time. There were so many things I learned this weekend that I would like to share with you all. So bear with me as I go through all the speakers and talk about the high-lights of each.

"Choose to Become" was the theme of their tour this year. Most of the speakers spoke about how to take past experiences and learn from them and not let them get you down. They also spoke on the things that will make you happy in life, and as we all know, its by following Heavenly Father's plan for you.

Brad Wilcox
*Talked about the two different roles of Jesus Christ. He is our literal Savior. He came to this earth to die for us so we could return to our Heavenly Father one day. He is also our Redeemer. Through his redeeming power, we can repent of our sins and use the atonement in our lives to become more like Heavenly Father.
*We should live in a way that when we see the Savior, He will be able to see His countenance in us.
*Through Christ, anything can change, even if it seems impossible. We shouldn't say that we don't need to change and that we are fine the way we are, because, by doing so, we are denying Jesus' redeeming power. We should always be striving to live better lives and should never give up.
*Heavenly Father is the composer of our lives. Everything happens because it is what He has in store for us.

Sheri Dew
*You need to water and tend for your spiritual roots. If you do not they are easy to pull up and Satan will take advantage of that a wreck havoc in your life.
*We all have earthquakes in our lives with the aftershocks that follow. These are not ideal situations, but we should remember it is a part of the Lord's plan for us and that it is preparing us for something better.
*You have to make the climb in order to see the glorious view. You will not understand why its worth all the hard work and heartache as you climb higher towards heaven until you have reached the top and can look out and see what you have become.
*Do not try to make the journey alone. Your loved ones are there to support you.
*If you are living according to the gospel, you won't get lost on your way home. Tether yourself to Jesus Christ; He knows the way.



Stephanie Nielson
---Side note on this speaker. She was not originally supposed to be a speaker, but filled in last minute. She is the woman that burned 80% of her body from the video above---
*You have to choose to recover from your heartaches. With trust and faith in the Lord, you can choose to be happy in your trial.
*When you choose what you want to become, it does not mean it will happen right away. You must work for it. Be patient. Look at the small and simple things that make you smile.
*Choose to become happy. Its hard in the midst of your trial. Love yourself so you will be able to love others more.
*You will have scars reminding you of your trial. Don't hate them. Accept them and be grateful for them. They show what you have been through. They are all unique and will help you later in your life.

Emily Watts
*Habits of Happiness:
       1. Have a thick skin. Don't let what people say affect you negatively.
       2. Expect hard things of yourself. The hard things give you a feeling of progression.
       3. Have your traditions that bring happiness to you and your family.
       4. Learn to think of yourself as a person and not another thing you have to worry about
       5. Catch your loved ones doing something good and acknowledge that thing.

Michael Wilcox
*There is nothing wrong with serving, but you should take time to take of the good part. Take time to yourself and learn and grow for yourself. Learning is an important part of becoming.
*Each day of your journey through sorrow in life leads you closer to the joy you will experience at the desired end.
*The theory of the stairs: There are stairs ascending in alternating colors. One color represents knowledge, and the other is righteousness. Each leads to the next. As you gain more knowledge, you want to be more righteous. As you become more righteous, you want to continue to learn and grow.
*The theory of the golden compass: With the fixed foot planted (in your religion or any aspect of your life), your searching foot can make a perfect circle. You should not be afraid to stretch out as far as you can, as long as your fixed foot is planted firmly.
*We get discouraged in our becoming when we realize we are still not at the end. Be happy with your journey and look for the good things in life. Be patient.

Wendy Ulrich
*Out of small and simple things, the Lord does His work. Continually look for the things that make you happy.
*Seven Steps to Always be Happy
      1. Stop worrying about your weaknesses and focus on your strengths. Think of your strengths and think of ways to use them to help others or yourself.
      2. Don't try to get motivated. Motivation follows action. Take action first and then you will see that you become more and more motivated to keep going.
      3. Stop trying to find friends. Develop the attributes of a good friend instead. Those who have the most social interaction are the happiest. Having a friend at the places you frequent keep you coming back and enjoying your time there.
      4. Don't try to feel happy. Think of what you are grateful first and through that process you will become happy.
      5. Celebrate failure. Failure means we are taking risks to grow, stretch and serve. Learn from your mistakes and use the atonement to grow closer to your Heavenly Father.
      6. Don't get help with your problems. Help someone else with their's. Continually search for ways to serve others.
      7. Don't just endure to the end. "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured" -Gordon B. Hinckley. Find delight and joy in the present moment.

Laurel Christensen
*"Our God is a God of high expectations." -D. Todd Christofferson.
* The "Faith" Experiment:
   -Pray with Faith: Be willing to ask for things even if you feel like He never answers your prayers. He wants to give it to you if you will just ask in faith. The Lord makes your faith enough.
   -Think with Faith: Don't be the one thing standing in your way. The Lord thinks so much more about what you can accomplish. Train the way you think to be the same way as the Lord.
   -Live with Faith: Always remember the Lord is with you, through every single thing.
*You are always on "Plan A" even if in your mind you thought you were on a different one. "Plan A" is God's plan for you and He knows you are on the path you are supposed to be on. He knows what you are supposed to be going through because He knows you the best and knows what you need to prepare you for later on down that path.
*Having hope is what you want for yourself. Having faith is wanting what the Lord wants for you.
*Do not give up when the end is so close. "Cast not away, therefore, your confidence." He wants you to finish and will be with you to the end. Do not let Satan stop you. Be confident in yourself and finish strong.



It was a fabulous weekend. I was so spiritually uplifted. It has given me faith to continue on with life and be happy and know that I am still on "Plan A". I am following the Lord's plan for me. I am choosing to become closer to my Heavenly Father. I'm sorry this is forever long. I hope you have learned something from it. I know those who are reading this have played some role in my life. I want to thank you for being apart of my life. I know that I have learned something from you and it has helped me become who I am today and will continue to help me become what the Lord wants me to be.

Me? Sports? Psht!!

For those of you who really know me, you know I have not, am not, and probably never will be a sporty girl. Sure I like sitting down watching football with my day, or basketball, when the NBA is being stupid, or going to intense hockey games. I love watching sports! But I've never been the type of girl to just be on a team and play whatever sport. I have never had a great desire to play sports.

Well, my dear cousin, Ashton, decided he wanted to start up an indoor soccer team (since he's not on two other teams already). He was texting me asking me how I was doing and we got talking about doing the soccer team. At first, I was like "Heck no am I doing that! It has been FOREVER since I've played soccer." But as I was thinking about it and thinking about my life, I realized it was exactly what I needed. I thought of how my life was a complete mess at the time and how everything seemed to keep getting worse or everything was going wrong. I thought that maybe this one thing, besides the gospel, would help keep me grounded and give me something to occupy some of my time and just give me purpose again. Its funny how being on a team can do that for you.

Tuesday was the start of the season. I was so excited all day for the first game, even if it meant that I would be up way past my normal bedtime. I got done with work and was thinking of what else I needed to get done before I headed to my game. That's when I started freaking out. It clicked in my mind that I have not played soccer since I was about 8. What the heck was I thinking?! Here I was getting ready to go play soccer for the first time in 12 years against people who have been playing basically their whole lives. I just kept telling myself I was insane. But at 10:45 pm I was at my game, ready to humiliate myself in front of people.

Its true, I'm not that excellent at soccer. I'm out of shape and was out of breath. But I will say I held my own. Out of the 45 minute game, I was out on the field for about 35 minutes. Granted, we were short on girls for our team and I had to be out there. But I did everything I could to help the team. Some of my teammates kept telling me where to go, or who to cover, and just kept helping me out. These are people I had met just 10 minutes before the game. It was so great to know that they were willing to help me out and teach me a few things instead of just ignoring me on the field.

I'm bruised and sore from the game. But I can honestly say that I had so much fun! It was about an hour of my time where the only thing I had to think about was soccer. Nothing about the drama of my life came to my mind. I didn't think of all my tests and papers I have coming up. No thoughts of work. It was just getting to the ball, running down the field, covering the super tall guy, who kicked me and gave me a nice bruise on my leg. Even if I didn't get a lot of sleep and woke up sore, it was so worth it. So for right now, I'm going to be a sporty girl. It probably won't last that long. But its exactly what I need in my life. :)

Stay or Go?

So many thoughts have been running through my mind. 
Trying to figure out what I should do with my life now.
I have it narrowed down to two choices.

Option 1: Stay
I would stay here in South Weber.
Keep my wonderful job.
Start my major that I have finally decided on.
Possibly move out after I save some money up.
Be close to family.
And just keep things basically the same.

Option 2: Go
I would move back down to Cedar City.
Find a new job (probably at Wendy's since Ken can get me the job)
Settle for a major that isn't exactly what I want.
Be close to some of my best friends.
Make lots of new friends.
Have many exciting new experiences.

Now its just figuring out what will be the best for me.
Both seem great to me and I know I would be happy either way.
Which will it be?

Feelings on Life

I feel this is describes how I have felt the past 2 weeks. 

Not sure what to do with life anymore.

Some days I just want to give up.

I turn to my Heavenly Father for guidance,

But am unsure of what it is I am receiving from Him.

I know that I will make it through this trial,

But its hard to look to the future when all I can focus on is the present.

All I know is that I am feeling:

LOST, confused, Unsure, UNCLEAR, perplexed, Disoriented, and bewildered.

The Ups and Downs

This past week, my emotions have been up and down.

You go from being on top of the world,

To wondering what the (insert choice word) is going on.

Figuring out what is best for you,

And at the same time making sure you aren't hurting others.

Its hard to do both when what is best for you at that time is not in line with the other person's wants.

I feel this week I've hurt people I care about,

But we are working through it together.

The one thing that has helped me through it all is knowing I have a Heavenly Father who loves me!

He has put this trial in my life for a reason.

I obviously have something to learn from it.

What is so great about it is that I know I am not alone in the journey.

My Heavenly Father is always there for me.

If I have learned anything these past few days, it is that He is constantly there for me.

This is my favorite hymn and it brings such comfort to my life.
As I am going through this difficult time,
I know that the Lord is on my side and always will be.
I may not know what exactly will come from all of this,
But I have faith He knows what is best for me.

As we all go through the "Ups and Downs" of life
I hope we can all know that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us
And wants us to succeed in life.
My life would be nothing without His loving guidance.