You hear about how people put on a mask so that everyone around them won't see the person they truly are. They are ashamed or embarrassed at who they really are so they give off the impression that they are someone completely different. It's easy for people to wear a mask and not deal with what is truly behind the mask.
I have always tried to be my true self. I believe in being brutally honest. I let people see me for who I really am. Or at least I try. I believe in the "What you see is what you get" mentality. So it is something I have strived to do in my own personal life.
Little did I know, that I have been wearing a mask this entire time. It isn't a mask where I am trying to get people to think I am someone I am not. I just am not showing them all there is to me. It's a mask that is hiding different things about myself. It's a mask that is hiding my weak spots.
I realized it yesterday. I had just heard something that was extremely hard on me. I was trying hard not to cry. I had to get ready for work and didn't want to look like a complete mess. That's when it hit me. I have been putting a mask on everyday since I was about 12.
Everyday I get up, shower, do my hair and make-up. What I didn't realize is that all of that was my way of putting on a mask. I figured I can't cry or show my true emotions because it would mess up my make-up. I know I sound like a complete girl right there, but that is how I think. I can put on a smile and a pretty face and no one will know that I am going through a hard time. Then when I am home with no one else around, I can let it all out. Then I will wake up and start the process all over again.
"Don't let them see you sweat" is another mentality I have. I don't want people to see me having a hard time. I would rather be seen as the strong confident person I really feel like I am. I know everyone has their trials in life but they don't need to know I am struggling. I will eventually let people know, but not until I let those weaknesses become my strengths.
I am a very selective person in who I will talk to about what is going on in my life. You have to be someone that I completely trust. Usually it is only my family I tell. My priesthood leaders are the other people I trust completely. And then there are a few close friends that I feel like I can turn to. But the two people I know I can always turn to no matter what, is my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. I turn to them in prayer. They give me the strength I truly need to make it through the hard times. My Savior gave up his life for me. He knows what pains I am feeling because He too has felt them. I am so grateful for that knowledge. Even if I feel like there is no one here on earth I can turn to, I know I have a Father in Heaven and a Savior that will always be there for me.
I may wear a mask everyday of my life, but I do it so that instead of having people worry about how I am coping with the trials in life, they see that I am not letting it get me down. They see a girl who is genuinely happy with life and makes the best out if everything bad that comes her way. I hope they see a girl that turns to her Heavenly Father and has a strong relationship with Him. I don't wear this mask because I am ashamed or embarrassed of my weaknesses. I wear it because it is the person I know I can be with the strength of my Lord. And that is the person I strive to be everyday.
