Missing

Yesterday I finally got another letter from Ammaron. It made my day so much better. It is crazy how much that boy can brighten up my day. It is hard not having him so close and not being able to talk to him whenever I feel like it. It is hard waiting for the next letter to come when things come up that I just want to share with him. I just need to write him more and tell him what's up. But at the same time I don't want to do that because I do not want to distract him. All I know is I miss him so much! 

Why do we miss people? Why does it make us sad when we do not see someone we are so close to for a long time? Why does Heavenly Father put people into our lives just to have them leave us? 

It is so difficult. I just want to constantly be with those that I am the closest to. Leaving Virginia to come out here was so hard. I lived there for 12 years of my life. I had so many close friends that were always there for me. But I had to leave them. If it had just been for school it would have been easier, but with my family moving out here to Utah as well there is a chance I will never see those people again. Then here at school I get close to many people, Ammaron for example, just to have them leave me. 

Heavenly Father obviously puts them in our lives for a reason. But can that reason really be meant for a short period of time? Did they come into our lives for just a few months for one purpose and then have to leave? It is hard to wrap my mind around it. 

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.. It has no survival value; rather is is one of those things that give value to survival. " -C.S. Lewis

All the friendships I have made have definitely helped me survive all the trials that have come up in my life. Without some of my friends, I don't think I would be where I am today. The best friends I have are my family. They all support me in my decisions and they are always there for me. It is so great to have that support system. I know I am far away from them and I miss them constantly, but it is great to know that they love me even from a distance.

Heavenly Father is my best friend. I know because of Him and His son, Jesus Christ, that I have gone through some of the hardest times just to rise out of them and become a better person. I know when I feel as if no one else is there to help me that I can turn to my Heavenly Father and receive the comfort so I can continue to go through my life.

Missing people is one of the hardest things in life. But if we focus just on how much we miss a person, we will miss out on all the other people that are sent to help us or need our help. We just need to keep going through life one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time and just look for all the good in life instead of dwell on the bad.

Coming Home

These past two days sure have been eventful. I ended up going to McCall's house Saturday night because she was going to drive me down to school the next day. I was going to be down by her anyways so we figured it would be easier that way instead of driving down again the next day. I had so much fun with her! I love that girl so much. She is one of the few people I feel super comfortable with. I feel like I can talk to her about anything. It is so great.

So the two of us were just goofing off all night Saturday. It was so much fun! I loved talking with her mom and getting to know her better. Same with McKenna and Blake. They are such a great family. When McCall and I were downstairs trying to go to sleep, Blake came down and started talking to us and we were up until about 2:30 just chatting. It was great. I felt a little awkward talking to Blake just one on one at first but it got better as we kept talking. He actually asked me out on a date. But it won't work out. The funny thing is that on McCall's and mine car ride down we started talking about that and we ended up texting Blake seeing who he thought was the cutest out of her friends. In the end we finally got it out of him that he thought I was the cutest and he was interested in me. I honestly don't know how to take it. It was just way weird. But whatever.

It is so nice to be back here in Cedar. I know a lot of people absolutely hate coming back, but I love it. I mean it is my home now. It's like Daughtry's song "I'm coming home. To the place where I belong." I honestly feel like Southern Utah University is where I belong. Its where I am needed. I don't know why, but I'm sure I'll find out as time goes by. I love driving into the city and seeing my town. It is one of the best feelings in the world. Like I know that is how it will be when I go back to Virginia, but it will be slightly different since VA isn't my home anymore. All I can say is that I love being in my home!

Third Grade

This morning I woke up early (for spring break) and got ready and went to school with Gabrielle. I went yesterday afternoon and fell in love with her class. Those little kids are so adorable! I have had so much fun with them these past two days. I had to leave early which made them sad. They were all like stay for lunch and then second recess. I almost don't want to go back down to school because I would love to stay here and go play with them every day!

Part of me wants to change my degree to education so I can become a third grade teacher. If I got to work with little kids like Mrs. Walton's class. But I know I am supposed to go into nutrition. Maybe I can help schools pick nutritious foods for the kids to eat. That would be so great!

Giving up my time to go play with theses little 8 and 9 year olds has been exactly what I've needed. It makes me think of what Bishop Julian told me a few weeks ago. If I lose myself in helping others I will find the happiness I need to keep going throughout life. And with that happiness I will be able to get through the hard spots.

Oh gosh! Those little kids are just so darn cute! Cole is absolutely adorable! I just want to take him home with me! Or he can just be older then I would date him. ;) Then all the little girls just crowd around me wanting my attention. It is too darn cute! Gah! I have only known them for not even a day and already I love every single one of them. It makes me want to have kids and have them go into the third grade and see all their cute little friends. 

The Beginning

This blog is not meant to keep others updated on my life. It is going to be more of my journal. I want to be able to record all my thoughts and feelings down, but I am not good at keeping a journal. Hopefully this will prove to be a better way.

I just finished reading The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks. It is by far my favorite book I have ever read. Sparks is an amazing writer. I can't wait to start reading more of his books. This one has such a strong message in it. Don't ever let things get in the way of what is most important. While the book is still fresh in my mind, I think about what I am not looking at that is of most value. Is it family, school, love, God... What is it? Maybe it is a little bit of everything. I don't want to waste my time worrying about the little things in life. I want to find out who I am and what my purpose here on this earth is. 

I named this blog "The Beginning" because I feel like it is the beginning of something new in my life. It may just be that I am better at keeping a journal or it might mean I am starting to find myself. It makes me think of the song "The Call" by Regina Spektor. The lyrics are:

It started out as a feeling

Which then grew into a hope

Which then turned into a quiet thought

Which then turned into a quiet word

And the that word grew louder and louder

'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back

When you call me

No need to say goodbye

Just because every thing's changing

Doesn't mean it's never been this way before 

All you can do is try to know

Who your friends are as you head of to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon

and follow the light

You'll come back

When it's over

No need to say goodbye

You'll come back 

When it's over

No need to say goodbye

Now, we're back to the beginning

It's just a feeling and no one knows yet

But just because they can't feel it too

Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger

'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back

When they call you

No need to say goodbye

You'll come back 

When they call you

No need to say goodbye

So now I feel as if I am back to the beginning. And its this feeling that only I have. Whatever this beginning may be for, I hope I can figure it out and do my best to succeed. It is peace and serenity I feel. I think I recognized the feeling by reading The Last Song. It might be that most of it takes place at the beach. To me, the beach is a sanctuary. A place I can go and know that I am in tune with everything. By reading about it I feel as if I am there, hearing the waves beat upon the sand while the seagulls fly around and I look out and see the magnificent colors in the sky as the sun sets. That is the reason I chose this background. The harbor. It makes me feel as if my beginning is starting there, at the place that gives me the most peace and comfort... the beach.