DUMBEST QUESTION EVER!!!!
I was talking with my younger sister, Madelyn, last night about this. We were discussing a bunch of different drama she is going through and how it has been stressing her out. She told me that she has been crying at school (which she hates) and that people are dumb and ask her if she is alright. Obviously she isn't if she is crying. So here are a few lessons about crying:
1. You should know that crying is a way for girls (and some guys) to let out their frustration and hurt. If you see someone crying it is because they are going through something that is difficult for them and they have reached a breaking point where they can't hold it in any longer.
2. Most people hate crying in front of others. So when it does happen, its a big deal. They don't want people staring at them or talking about them as their eyes are leaking.
3. Obviously people will want to know what is causing this emotion, but be tactful about how you ask. And ONLY ask if you sincerely want to know to help them out and not just because you like to know all the gossip.
4. Girls can tell when a person is being sincere in asking. If you come up and ask "Are you alright?" don't be surprised if the girl responds back in a very sarcastic tone saying "Oh yeah I am AWESOME!"
If this does happen, realize that you were being inconsiderate and learn for the next time.
5. If you are really this person's friend you will go up to them and ask them what's wrong or if there is anything they need. If they want to be left alone, be an awesome friend and keep people from going up and being idiots by asking if they are alright.
So that's all for now. I feel like this might come off as me speaking to the guys out there, but no. Its for all you ladies as well. Its something every single person should know and understand. So if any of you ask me if I'm alright the next time you see me crying, I will be mad.
I think the question, "Are you all right?" is a fine one. It's a way to assess what could be going wrong. If I was hiking along the bottom of some cliff and saw someone lying down bruised and bleeding, my first question might be, "Are you alright?" Well, I obviously know they are not ALL right, but I want to see if they are responsive and if they are, they can give me pertinent info to help me know what I can do for them. If they say their spine is broken, I am not going to try to move them.
ReplyDeleteIt is the same in an emotional sense. If I am obviously sad or crying and someone asks me if I am alright, I know that person is trying to assess what is wrong and to see if there is something they can do to help. Maybe I am crying for very personal reasons that I can handle on my own but for some reason my body insists on manifesting it on the outside. So I can say, "Oh yeah, I am fine, I was just randomly thinking of my hamster that died when I was seven... but yes, overall I am alright, THANK you for asking." Or maybe I would like someone to talk to, in which case, they are there and ready to listen. Just because somebody chooses a phrase different from what you would use if the situation was reversed, doesn't mean that they lack sincerity. Our culture has adopted that phrase as a means to invite the person they are speaking to, to express any thing that might be hindering their happiness. Some people don't express sincerity the same way you do, they may have grown up differently or maybe they are the best with words.
In reference to #4... Just by being a girl, doesn't mean you know all the time whether or not a person is being sincere. I have had MANY girl misjudge my sincerity, which is what we call a "misunderstanding". In many cases, these can be avoided by not jumping to conclusions like, "He just wants to know the gossip, so I am going to be mean and brooding." Just take it at face value. Maybe he DOES want to know some gossip, but that's his problem. If you don't want to talk to him/her, just say, "Oh thanks for asking, but I really am okay. Nothing I want to talk about right now, but I really do appreciate it." Even if he had selfish intentions, he might feel a sense that he did what he could and it was right.
I know it can get obnoxious if people come and check on you when they don't want you to, but you can't criticize them or place unreal expectations on other people. It's no one's fault they feel inclined to help, so if it gets bad maybe try and excuse yourself. Don't call people idiots because they ask if you are alright. Too much of that attitude will only alienate people because they won't know if what they are doing is causing to stress. They don't know what the situation is, they are busy with their own lives and aren't responsible for how you interpret their willingness to help. Save yourself the mental anguish and just be positive with everyone.